Why I Love My Mother

Did you know that ever since I was a child and first saw a movie called the Miracle of the Sun about the Marian apparitions in Fatima, I wanted to learn to say the rosary? The Blessed Mother implored the children to pray for, among other things, the souls in purgatory. That has always been a thing for me.

I remember the scene where all the people are outside praying the rosary with the children who were being kept inside. That movie made an impression on me that I have never been able to forget. There were so many witnesses to the miracle of the sun, I can’t help but believe that it really happened. I always felt conviction in my heart that I wasn’t doing what my Mother wanted me to do.

And he came to her and said, "Hail, full of grace, the Lord is with you." Luke 1:28

My parents gifted me rosary beads for Christmas when I was a teenager, but nobody ever taught me how to pray. My sister went to Catholic school briefly and she had learned the prayers in childhood, but she never taught me. I don’t know how much she remembered by the time I came along.

I had booklets over the years, but it wasn’t the same as having someone pray with me so that I knew I was doing it right. The end result was that I never learned to pray the rosary.

When my temporal mother died in 1996 I destroyed my rosaries in protest, and for many years that was the end of that. The closest I got to praying the rosary in adulthood was praying the Hail Mary on repeat whenever I was having trouble sleeping at night.

I have said a lot of Hail Marys.

For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name. Luke 1:48-49

In 2018 or so, I was watching a livestream on Instagram. A a man from a prayer app was championing a campaign to have one million rosaries recited and logged by September 8, the Blessed Mother’s birthday. Every hour they had a different person from around the world reciting the rosary online so people could follow along. That was just what I needed, and I have never looked back.

Once I finally went full tilt Catholic my New Year's resolution that year was to develop more of a devotion to Mary. I got a book out of the library called The Everything Mary Book, and it was informative and lovely. Getting to know my Mother helped me begin to develop a devotion to her, which has now grown into a love for her. I was ready to take the next step.

I had already consecrated myself to St. Joseph, and had felt his intercession almost immediately. From the day I completed the consecration to him I lost my taste for trolling social media, which had been a guilty pleasure of mine for more years that I care to admit. Eventually I deleted my Facebook and Instagram accounts completely to denounce all of the garbage that I had posted over the years. I started new accounts and, with the Lord's help, am keeping myself on the straight and narrow. Most of the time.

Holy Family statue, St. Ephrem Church, Bensalem, PA

Simeon blessed them and said to his mother Mary, "This child is destined for the falling and the rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be opposed so that the inner thoughts of many will be revealed--and a sword will pierce your own soul too." Luke 2:34-35

I wanted to have the same intercession from Mary that I felt I had already experienced from St. Joseph. I consecrated myself to Mary, and learned how to pray to her when I take communion. Receiving the eucharist has taken on a whole new dynamic since welcoming the Blessed Mother into the process. I feel her with me as I'm going up to receive her Son, and sometimes it still moves me to tears. When I'm having a bad day or feeling unworthy it is nice to have her with me.

Putting my faith and trust in a woman did not come naturally to me. Even when my mother was alive, our relationship was often strained. I am the only one among my kin who goes to church regularly and, I feel like they think I’m a weirdo because I go to church and profess to be a believer.

My cousin, Tony, RIP

When Jesus saw his mother, and the disciple whom he loved standing near, he said to his mother, "Woman, behold, your son!" Then he said to the disciple, "Behold, your mother!" And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home. John 19:26-27

There is also the fact that people regard praying to Mary as if we are committing idolatry.

I had a very dear distant cousin named Tony. He was one of the rare gems who was devout in his faith, and I appreciated what we did have in common. He and I were going back and forth on Facebook one day about some issue that was relevant at the time, and I commented that I had recited an entire decade of the rosary specifically for that issue. He sent me a message admonishing me to not say the rosary and telling me to instead take my prayers directly to Jesus. I gently but firmly replied that the rosary, and prayers to saints in general and Mary specifically, are what is taught by the Church, and that was what I was going with. He agreed to disagree and we never spoke on it again.

He passed away from cancer some time later. It makes me sad that was our last interaction that I can remember. His soul is one that I pray for daily, although whether he needs the intercession or not I have no way of knowing. If he is, by the mercy of God, beyond that point now I believe the "credit" will go to another deserving soul.

And that makes me happy.